Lord, What Do You Want Me To Do?

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 Ask it anyway? You hate God's will, ask it anyway. You're tired of all your failures, ask it anyway. Your phenomenology can't produce insights, ask it anyway. All your rigorous rational criterias cannot produce new paths, ask it anyway. You're tired of your life, ask it anyway.

Lord, what do you want me to do?

Then let the Spirit's consolation/desolation lead and guide you on since rational criteria is now inadequate. They call such path dark night of the soul and cloud of unknowing, which I think is a lack of rational criterias; while spiritual dryness and such similar more fully points to a lack of nonrational criterias. Let's not discuss the latter. We lack rational criteria and we are in the dark or we don't know, but God guides us through consolation/desolation or nonrational criterias just to point out what we should choose. 

(When I say lack of rational criteria, the quality becomes inadequacy of rational criteria that it seems there is no more rational criteria that is adequate for the task at hand. So the assumption is that all known rational criterias have been exhausted, not not used. So the assumption should be that there are rational criterias all working really hard and in place but fails to produce results.)

You're out of luck and has to trust God instead who you hate. It is by making peace with God which starts the healing or solution. Further desolation or feeling of being far from God means God is wanting to show us more of what He plans for our lives. You should enter into continuous praying and reflecting which is a spiritual life already and is outside phenomenolgy.

You might think though, "What are such phenomena rather?" Well, I think its a relationship with an Infinite Being. With all our finitude, name it all, I think such an Infinite Being will be able to understand His created beings. Metaphysics points to us that our experience of being a contingent being, seeing other contingent beings (here today gone tommorow yet existense is still there) necessitates something Incontingent to make sense of things, a base that holds everything together. Democritus said that everything is composed of indivisible units called atoms. But I think physics and emerging physics don't think in such line anymore. And thus materialism goes into infinite regress tiny becomes tinier and then more tinier. While we also have to believe correctly that such an Infinite Being is also a real one like God is not created by another God and then another. St. Thomas Aquinas has systematized such things. You might want to check his Five Ways. Beyond that as we've said, mystical theology points us towards a rather more fruitful endeavor to hear from how the saints talked or related to God and not just negative theology or what or who God is not.

We call revelation of God a help in understanding hidden things before, that we could have never thought about perfectly by our unaided reason. By imperfect analogy, we can describe a person from afar, even basing our prejudices by how he looks. Yet the moment friendship with that person ensues, we then understand him/her better and prejudices crumbles to the ground. We don't want phenomenology too to stay from the limit of its inner world only since its inner world is actually coming from the outside too. How then do we love God, others, and ourselves? The first two we need to go outside our own phenomena as if, correcting its erroneous belief if we must. The last, ourselves, still needs other's (also Other's) input or feedback in the Johari Window on things we find ourselves blinded about ourselves.

So without further ado, as a Catholic Christian myself, I am inviting you to study how God revealed Himself in history. If you don't know it yet, you are missing 100% of your life.😆 Just kidding. And yes we've come to the end of our ability to answer my first question what is happening with my career through phenomelogical reflections that even I myself have to clarify what is happening to me, finding it inadequate, and realizing that I have to live my Catholic spirituality instead.

For now, I found phenomenology at a dead end, and they say, where reason ends, faith begins.

St. Paternus, hermit, pray for us!

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