Holy Week
Here is a glimpse of attending my religious rituals.
Even our religions are imperfect themselves. And the devil will distract you and put all kinds of things in your mind while attending the eucharist on my part as a catholic. Sintonado si Father sa tatlong beses nyang kinantang "Masdan ninyo ang kahoy na krus..." However (after reading the life of St. John Vianney), I always practice to always have in mind the scripture or spiritual reading one liner to recall all througout the day. And the priest's homily strucked me, "It is by pushing forward no matter the failures and difficulties, that we will taste success in the end." Maundy Thursday was the Last Supper or the Institution of the Eucharist where Jesus told the apostles to do the breaking of bread and the drinking of wine in memory of him before he was brutally tortured and then crucified. Nikola Tesla's work can't be also measured financially during his lifetime, dying alone on a hotel in poverty.
I saw again inside the church the mildly deranged couple in rags who collects money of their own after church collection using a bucket bigger than the offertory bags. Then I saw for the first time maybe the mother of the husband, who is old and back broken maybe due to hardships of life, but still needs to take care of his mentally abnormal son. Due to pity for the mother's plight, I felt weird being more unwelcome inside the church than the smelly couples themselves.
My pretenses crumbled to the ground though. And I felt being one with the masses or crowd of worshipper rich and poor alike. Perhaps this is the reason why even if a Jesus film is more heartfelt than attending a Sunday worship, we still need to attend just to feel every now and then being one with the people of God. I hear you my atheist brother. Crushing individuality is not always bad even for us.
The penultimate of kissing the cross of Christ while singing those nonliturgical almost love-song-like religious ballads made me recall last year's romantic rejection when I was in line too for kissing the cross and forcely hiding my tears from the crowed. While kissing Jesus crucified, my tears fell and just bowed low my head to conceal it while walking back to my sit. I think God has his own reasons why my years of planning to establish my own family is still not materializing. I felt the crowed have seen it though and sympatized with their own woundedness. Coming back to my sit after that total recall, I found my seatmates ready to welcome me back. But who the hell are they, and who the hell am I to them? You're correct, that in the church we feel that belonging. It pains me though at the start since I'm a 100% introvert.
While kissing Jesus, I found my reason for my rejections. Yet at the height of my rejection, months in passing, I'm always questioning God why.
It's not the rituals, traditions, and externalities, but the interior movement of the Spirit helping us find the meaning of our life.
Before procession time of the Santo Entierro, I found my relatives together in different pews. A glow of warmth ensues bonding with them outside the church while other statue of saints have already processioned. It's as if this is already a celebration of life and we're just actually recalling the burial of Christ. Even the liturgical song in the rhythm of the pasyon chant are themselves semi-celebrative already anticipating Easter.
The Shroud of Turin or the burial cloth of Jesus Christ is a science defying, we call as miraculous, proof for you my atheist friend, explaining that the resurrected or glorified body of Christ shined so brilliantly making the Shroud of Turin have an unreplicable markings, could appear and disappear in locked rooms, passing through the stone of the tomb, etc.
Ang muling pagkabuhay ng Panginoon ay tumapos sa kamatayang bumabalot sa sangnilikha. I celebrate that and become part of it, part of the reason Christ died for our sins. Although it's not my experience, the reason Christ did it for me, is salvific and changes the whole picture of my career conundrums.
One of the central phenomenological concept is the concept of intersubjectivity. It is a human being's capacity to understand another human being experiencing the same things we experience. And pointing that God is a someone or Someone who loves me can only be understood by those who do not deny or cripple love to bloom from within their being. God loved us first according to the Bible. Our very existense is already a proof of God's love. But sometimes the experience of suffering and evil really blurs that reality which is why even the Israelite Old Testament verses tell to always remind themselves daily of the great deeds that God has done for them. I think most religion worship regularly to crush the biases and dwindling hope this imperfect life stresses us daily with.
Comments
Post a Comment